Missing my dad
Nov. 21st, 2012 10:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fenchurchSo. I keep meaning to update here more often... and I really had intended to post something after our recent trip to Disneyland (and I may still write something up at some point). Last weekend, we drove down to Portland for a family dinner with my grandpa, my mom, step-dad, step-siblings and their families... my grandpa was up from Sacramento for the weekend and it was a lot of fun getting together with everyone. Afterward, rackham and I got a hotel room down closer to McMinnville with the plan to hit the Flight Museum there on Sunday. After a restless night, I woke up at 5:00 and utterly failed to fall back to sleep, finally reaching for my phone about 45 minutes later to check my email... which is when I noticed that my step-mom had tried calling at 2:20. And at 3:00. And at 4:30.
I knew it had to be bad... figuring my dad was in the hospital or my grandma had passed away, but it was so early I decided I'd wait a bit to call back (and of course there was no way I was going back to sleep at that point). At around 7:00, I was getting ready to get dressed so I could take the phone outside to call (Rackham was still asleep), when the phone rang. It was my step-mom again, calling to let me know that my dad had passed away.
It was quite a shock. My dad had only recently turned 65 and, despite a long-term heart problem, was in pretty good health. He'd only just retired around the first of this year and, after buying a larger RV, he and my step-mom had managed to take one long trip down through Colorado and Wyoming... with plans to make a whole bunch of other trips in the future.
He'd been working on projects around the farm, to the point where his doctor was cautioning him that he really needed to start pacing himself. He just had a very hard time not being busy. Apparently, he recently had some dental surgery that had required him to be on some different medication for his heart, and I don't know if that might have been a factor in what happened. My step-mom says she'd gone up to bed late Saturday night and he had told her he was going to finish the level he was playing in Peggle before joining her. When he didn't follow after awhile, she went to check on him and found him slumped down in his chair.
We ended up driving home Sunday morning with the thought in mind that we would repack our bags and drive over to my dad's place on the other side of the state to be there for my step-mom and help out with everything she was going to need to do. But after getting home, we realized that the conditions over Snoqualmie Pass were not good and it was getting to a point where it would be dark when we went over... so we decided to head out Monday. We packed the car that morning, got everything squared away with the house and with friends who could come over to look in on things for us. We got on the road, making a few stops along the way, and then we realized that the mail server was down and had to turn back to take care of it. By the time we got that squared away, the rain was coming down in buckets but we thought we'd still be okay getting over the pass... then as we were approaching Issaquah, my step-mom called. We pulled over and I chatted with her for awhile and we decided it would be better for us to stay home until the weather had improved a bit... I could help her from here and get there in time to help with the funeral services this weekend, plus her brother had arrived to be with her so she wouldn't be alone.
I'm still having a hard time processing this... I really thought I'd have another good twenty years with my dad and it just doesn't seem real. I'm doing a bit better now, but I'm still randomly bursting into tears (I've made it a habit to carry some Kleenex with me at all times). I have moments where I forget that he's gone or where I find myself thinking of it in terms of him just being sick or in the hospital... like he's going to get better and be there again. It's not a conscious thing, it just sort of creeps up on me, which makes it even worse when I have to beat the thought down with reality.
It's been a weird and exhausting week and I suspect it's not going to get better anytime soon. Above all, I really miss my dad.
Crossposted from my Livejournal
rackham and I got a hotel room down closer to McMinnville with the plan to hit the Flight Museum there on Sunday. After a restless night, I woke up at 5:00 and utterly failed to fall back to sleep, finally reaching for my phone about 45 minutes later to check my email... which is when I noticed that my step-mom had tried calling at 2:20. And at 3:00. And at 4:30.I knew it had to be bad... figuring my dad was in the hospital or my grandma had passed away, but it was so early I decided I'd wait a bit to call back (and of course there was no way I was going back to sleep at that point). At around 7:00, I was getting ready to get dressed so I could take the phone outside to call (Rackham was still asleep), when the phone rang. It was my step-mom again, calling to let me know that my dad had passed away.
It was quite a shock. My dad had only recently turned 65 and, despite a long-term heart problem, was in pretty good health. He'd only just retired around the first of this year and, after buying a larger RV, he and my step-mom had managed to take one long trip down through Colorado and Wyoming... with plans to make a whole bunch of other trips in the future.
He'd been working on projects around the farm, to the point where his doctor was cautioning him that he really needed to start pacing himself. He just had a very hard time not being busy. Apparently, he recently had some dental surgery that had required him to be on some different medication for his heart, and I don't know if that might have been a factor in what happened. My step-mom says she'd gone up to bed late Saturday night and he had told her he was going to finish the level he was playing in Peggle before joining her. When he didn't follow after awhile, she went to check on him and found him slumped down in his chair.
We ended up driving home Sunday morning with the thought in mind that we would repack our bags and drive over to my dad's place on the other side of the state to be there for my step-mom and help out with everything she was going to need to do. But after getting home, we realized that the conditions over Snoqualmie Pass were not good and it was getting to a point where it would be dark when we went over... so we decided to head out Monday. We packed the car that morning, got everything squared away with the house and with friends who could come over to look in on things for us. We got on the road, making a few stops along the way, and then we realized that the mail server was down and had to turn back to take care of it. By the time we got that squared away, the rain was coming down in buckets but we thought we'd still be okay getting over the pass... then as we were approaching Issaquah, my step-mom called. We pulled over and I chatted with her for awhile and we decided it would be better for us to stay home until the weather had improved a bit... I could help her from here and get there in time to help with the funeral services this weekend, plus her brother had arrived to be with her so she wouldn't be alone.
I'm still having a hard time processing this... I really thought I'd have another good twenty years with my dad and it just doesn't seem real. I'm doing a bit better now, but I'm still randomly bursting into tears (I've made it a habit to carry some Kleenex with me at all times). I have moments where I forget that he's gone or where I find myself thinking of it in terms of him just being sick or in the hospital... like he's going to get better and be there again. It's not a conscious thing, it just sort of creeps up on me, which makes it even worse when I have to beat the thought down with reality.
It's been a weird and exhausting week and I suspect it's not going to get better anytime soon. Above all, I really miss my dad.
Crossposted from my Livejournal
no subject
Date: 2012-11-21 11:16 pm (UTC)Be well.