Three Years Ago Today

[fenchurch]

Wow. On one hand, it's hard to believe it's been that long... but on the other, it seems like a lifetime ago (rather appropriate, since our lives seem to have gotten divided into "Before the Accident" and "After the Accident" as a marker of time). For those not in the know, I've got a few entries about the car accident in my Memories. I still just marvel at that first entry... the one written late on the night of the accident when I had two working fingers (and they were actually both a bit sore) and I was drugged out of my mind on pain killers. And, of course, the fact that the two things we had the EMTs bring with us in the ambulance were our laptops (meaning I didn't even have my wallet, since it was in my coat somewhere in the mess that was our car), not to mention that both laptops still booted and worked (considering mine had been seriously tossed around in the car and Rackham's had actually been ejected from the car and was found lying on the side of the Interstate).

One funny thing I found out recently was that I was not nearly as coherent on the phone with my mom as I thought I was (I called her within a few minutes of the accident to let her know what happened). Apparently when I called I said something along the lines of "Hi mom... I'm sitting here... I have a blanket..." (and technically, I didn't have a blanket... I had Rackham's leather coat draped over me to keep the snow off). Heh. No wonder I thought she sounded confused. At the time, I remember that I was trying not to panic her.

Anyway, enough about that... since quite a few of you were actually around when it happened and have heard it all before.

Three years on from the car accident and it still affects my everyday life. It's in much smaller ways now... little things like the fact that I still don't move much in my sleep (trust me, when you get punished by white hot pain for every little movement, your body learns to sleep absolutely still). Not too much of a problem, but I hate that I've gotten used to waking up with cricks in my neck or back or legs or arms from where they didn't move for 7+ hours.

I still can't lift much, although I'm getting better all the time and it's something I'm actively working on improving. I'm still finding motions that my shoulders aren't quite up to doing yet, or at least haven't had enough work with. It's also just over a year since the shoulder surgery that was a result of the car accident... I'm supposedly right on track, since I was told it would probably take another two years from that point before I felt that my shoulders were back to normal.

The only other lingering problem is that my shoulders do seem to have hit a sort of delicate balance... mostly this means that I can go for weeks feeling absolutely normal, but end up aggravating things unexpectedly simply by waving my arm in the wrong way (or something along those lines) and end with it throwing everything out of whack, then having to work through the next few weeks of getting back to the balance where it's all working the way it's supposed to. Not debillitating, mostly just annoying and inconvenient. And, of couse, my shoulders and arms get tired really, really fast... but that's something else I'm working on. All in all, it's been slow and steady improvement and I think I can actually see an end to the problems, somewhere way off in the distance.

And one of the big differences I've noticed recently is that I no longer completely freak out if I feel the car starting to slide a bit and I've actually been able to watch car crashes on TV and in movies without that horrible feeling I've always found hard to describe (it's sort of akin to terror with a side-dose of pain flashbacks and nausea). Although I think I've got a long way to go before I'll be trying any roller coasters again. There's that moment, just as you're at the top of the tallest part of the the coaster, when the clicking has stopped and you're sort of hanging there, looking down and waiting for the plunge... when, if you're anything like me, the thought "You know, I'm not sure I want to do this" goes through your head. I had that moment, in the long stretched out seconds as our car was sliding sideways toward the middle of the road and I could see the ground start coming up at Rackham's window... that same thought went through my head. I strongly suspect the experiences are going to be just a little too alike for me to be able to handle comfortably any time soon, but at least it's really easy to avoid roller coasters. :-)

And two unexpected side effects of the car accident: I lost nearly 1/4 inch in height (I suspect I may get it back as the muscles in my back and shoulders reach a point that they're no longer prone to being too tight or spasming) and my posture has improved! As I mentioned before, there's nothing like white hot jolts of pain to train your body to do things differently. It's not a method I'd recommend, though. :-p

Comments

[zola.livejournal.com]

I can't believe it's been three years already--I was so very glad to hear that you were (more or less) fine. You're wise to be patient with your shoulder, if you had a little nerve damage because of the problems, that can take a year or two to heal, but it does heal.

Hopefully 2009 will bring many improvements.

[jerusha]

Wow. Three years is both not very long, and also a lifetime. I'm glad that things are improving.

[psubrat.livejournal.com]

Wow. Three years already. Doesn't seem possible.

I'm so glad that you're progressing toward normality. It's been a long road to recovery, but you're recovering nonetheless. That's a blessing unto itself. I'll continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

::hugs::

[kazzy-cee.livejournal.com]

I suppose one of the most difficult things is knowing what is accident related and what is just 'getting older' (as my doctor is too fond of saying! LOL!).

I think you've make a remarkable recovery and I admire that you can contemplate driving in snowy/icy conditions again! Go you!

[petzipellepingo.livejournal.com]

I remember it very well - and also all the subsequent therapy, etc. that went into healing.

I also think you might get that height back eventually.

[twilightofmagic.livejournal.com]

Just reading your description of the accident had me almost breathless. What a terrible experience and no wonder it has been so traumatic for long afterward. So glad you came through it even though somewhat damaged. I guess, all in all, it's better than the alternative.

[curiouswombat.livejournal.com]

Like everyone else, my first thought was Gosh, is it three years already?

I am so glad that you both made it out of it in one piece - even if not a piece that was quite the same before.

[deborahw37.livejournal.com]

I'm just glad you're continuing to heal!

[rahirah]

I can't exactly say happy anniversary, but I'm glad things are continuing to improve!

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

You know, it's funny -- I think I must have met you after this, because I don't remember reading about the accident itself, just your recuperation later. ANd having been in smaller accidents and still feeling twitchy about things decades later, I can begin to, but only just begin to, imagine how far you've really come in terms of getting past that. Because that is an awful lot to get past.

I'm glad you're continuing to heal and still moving on. I hope maybe we can see each other in person sometime in the coming year, too -- we're so near and yet so far!

[rosiewook.livejournal.com]

I can't believe it's already been three years. But I'm glad it's three years on and you're still here with us!

You have amazing dedication to keep working your way back to 100%. I hope that 2009 is the one that takes you there. (In spite of what they say.)

[kassto.livejournal.com]

Glad you're alive and well. Glad also, that the fear has abated. I'm sure it would take a lot longer with me!

[cathyteach2.livejournal.com]

You were not on my flist yet, but I remember reading about your accident on several of my friends' LJ's. The story caught my interest and I remember reading to find out how you were doing even though I didn't "know" you yet. So glad you are doing better and better all the time. :)

And so glad we finally got together in LJ (and facebook!). I appreciate your friendship.

::hug::

[sillymagpie.livejournal.com]

I don't know if you've tried it, but deep tissue massage helped my sister recover from a serious car accident that left her in pain. Cramped muscles can stay cramped for years, and other muscles compensate, throwing them off.

I'm glad you're doing better, but I hope you'll recover even more in the future.

[ladyforash.livejournal.com]

:hugs:

Mostly positive things, so that's good! May the following three years be even better.

[txvoodoo.livejournal.com]

I was in an accident in 1985 - it takes a long time, yes, for things to get back to normal! I can still throw my neck out by sneezing a certain way, but not the debilitaing "out" that it would have been in 1988, or so.

Weirdly, my posture improved too. I think sitting/standing properly just hurts less? I dunno :D I take the silver linings where I can :D

[ozma914.livejournal.com]

A whole life can change in an instant ...

[dm-lunsford.livejournal.com]

It is interesting how events like these easily become "pointers" in our lives - how we then think in terms of the before... and after... of those events.

[pmgoose.livejournal.com]

Wow, I can't believe that was three years ago. So glad you're alive and getting better. *hugs*

[missmurchison.livejournal.com]

I remember when it happened. It was scary just reading about it. Congratulations again on getting better, because I know that was a lot of work, mentally and physically.